Happy June!
I haven't been posting for a long time,
probably because I got fixed. Apparently, when an artist or a writer is not
feeling the pain anymore, they can not deliver in a poetic and artistic way
anymore. I guess it's true, when there is no pain, you have nothing much to
write about or to tell about. And when there is no happiness either, you can't
brag much. What is it then, that exits beyond these two, what feeling is it? I
don't know much about it, but peace seems to be the right answer. When there is
no chaos in your life, be it a grieving one or a happy one, there is nothing to
convey. the lack of chaos in your life will bring you peace, but a pale one. A
peace that gives you inner calmness but does not exactly makes you bounce out
of joy.
Peace makes you more relaxed, but it does
not make you smile any more. But then again, happiness is a mood, so you are
probably in the wrong mood, you just need to get into a chaotic happiness and
everything will fall into place again!
Since, my chaotic side has been put to
sleep, I sincerely do not have much to write about, so I'll just post a page
from my diary:
"Rain and Tum Ho [Rockstar] is quite a lethal
combination, /Been ages since I wrote down on paper and it feels amazing, /Do
you think when you finally let everything burning inside of you go, there is a
feeling of extreme loneliness tha starts crawling in again?/ A feeling that is
just as bad as a heartbreak but also just as good as realising being lonely is
not always a bad thing?/ When we finally give ourselves the permission to feel
again, does it bring back all the pain?/ Or does it just feel numb and cold?/
Or have you not felt in so long that you don't know how it works anymore?/
Because feeling is just too hard at some points, and you just give up on it? Or
do you just take a step back?
Well, I have no idea,/ When you put it into words it
sounds easy, but when you have to live it, it's just a whole different
universe./ I don't know how people really feel when they say 'I let it go, it
feels so much better now,'/ The only 'it feels so much better now' moment for
me is when I am lying somewhere I love with my favourite songs on, and my
favourite food next to me and I am enjoying the cool breeze.."
It just ends here, I guess peace makes
things so messed up you can't even finish a proper post. Anyways, have an
amazing June, looking forward to re connecting with my chaotic self,
xoxo
Banana
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