Cursed

17.02.15

24! =] [The number keeps growing!]

The Curse (:

After many a year, she realised it was simply a curse for everything she had ever wanted was unavailable to her. She was in no misery or pain; she was loved and happy but she could never quite put her hands on the things her heart desired the most. It was probably little things, silly things, like seeing the first dew on a beautiful flower or waking up to the smell of freshly grounded coffee. The little things her heart desired the most were never into her reach for some reasons. It was a curse she realised, a curse that needed to be broken. Alas, little did she know that not every curse needs to be broken, not every curse is truly a curse; sometimes curses are blessings in disguise and perhaps, not having what she desired most was truly a gift. Happiness should not be found in specfic things, happiness should be counted amongst the scattered pieces of dreams and wishes. The curse did not need to be broken,it  just needed to be  lived; it was after all, the curse of life!

Happy 24th ZOu =] [YES! I am still obsessed with my birthday!]

Happy Winter :)

"Not everyone you lose is a loss."

So much truth in this quote. Not every person "deserves" to be treated as a loss; while it is quite painful to part ways with a lot of people, it is on the other hand just a blessing, really. It's not necessary that every person we let go of/who let go of us be the cause for our tears or miseries. A lot of the time, cutting the chords with some people allow you to grow and develop; it allows you to become who you truly need to be at the end of your journey.

Some people you lose, were never even worth the trouble in the first place; they were not worthy of being part of your journey. So, don't worry if you lose people here and there, because most of the time it's not even a loss. Most of the time, losing a person along the way is the only solution to fulfilling your destiny.

True loss is when you look behind and you wish you were still there; true loss is when this person is taken from you because that's the way God works. Nothing else is a loss; everything that happens, happens for a reason; every person you lose for the right reasons, is a person you were meant to lose. You might not know it yet, but in the end it will all make sense.

Also, Happy December :D

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" is stuck in my head-so yeah, it's nearly Christ-freaking-mas, the most wonderful time of the year! *high*

Have a wonderful winter and December :3 Listening to this wintery song <3 nbsp="">

Here, if it's too much of a sad song, listen to this one!]


[Also don't judge me on the last one-I am clearly a 23 years old adult who has this huge crush on Liam Payne.]

ZOu x

Choose to be happy!

Life is short, grow up before you miss out on the things that matter. The things that are worth fighting for; the things that we are going to look back on and remember. Not everything or every bond last for ever; but everything and every one we meet leave a mark on us; a mark that we are going to carry with us for the rest of our lives. But why should we? Why should we carry with us the mark someone else left on our existence? Why should we let other people in to such an extent that they mark us for life?

Probably because we are humans, and we love other human beings-and love is the best thing we do. So, in all this madness, the confusion between love and hate; why don't we choose to just carry the best things we have with us on our journey of life? Why don't we choose the things that really matter-a smile that helped us make it through the day, a word of faith that made us believe again when we were lost, a smell that reminded us that everything about this life-no matter how big or small-is beautiful and it's worth the fight and the pain!
I realised pain occupies a lot more space in our lives than happiness, and even if some of us are able to hide it deep within our souls, it comes back from time to time to haunt us. Many decided to embrace the pain and let it lead the way. But the only wise thing to do is to let it come back from time to time; because whenever it comes back, it teaches you something new, it reminds you of how strong you are and it helps you make better decision.

So, don't embrace your pain, don't carry with you a mark that someone left on your soul; choose to carry only the things that matter and choose to be the bigger person, choose to grow up because life is short and you don't want to miss out on what really matters.

The moments that made it to the 100th! :3

100th post:

Happy October/Autumn : Aka the most wonderful time of the year!

Leaves are falling and everything is very brown-orange-ish which is kind of nice :) Plus it's smelling-good memories mostly. This time of the year is always linked to this feeling that it's been a good life so far!

When you look back-there are only a few moments that stand out and they are totally worth it. I think this is what Life should be like-when you pause and remember-you should just remember the few moments that truly made you feel amazing and that remind you that happiness is what you make out of it. The moments that stand out for me are probably the bus ride to my Chemistry tuitions, the rainy Sunday mornings, the walk to Hung, the afternoons outside the classrooms on the bench, the anticipations at the bus station, the cray cray moments at our Math tuitions,the mess room,the bus ride with Pit & Heer, bunking lectures to go get high at Milky Lane, the birthday surprise, the pier, the wedding, the walk to Toof, Oxford circus, the late night stroll around London, the long long long breaks spent in empty lecture rooms/the lab, the train ride back home. If I were to get hit by a car-I am sure those are the stuff that would flash infront of my eyes just before I close them.

These are probably just stupid things, but they just stand out, mostly because those moments were spent with people I loved and are very very very good memories.

So yeah, you don't need to achieve the impossible to feel accomplished in your life-you just need to live it-with people who matter.  It doesn't matter who stays and who leaves-what really matters is what they left behind and how you felt when you were with them. 

Don't ever look back and miss people/days/moments-look back and be happy you had the opportunity to live and to be happy. Look back and thank God that you've had a great journey to date.

Plus here's a quote from last night's convo with Anii:

"Also, when you love someone-it's forever-you never stop loving them. And when you do-you forgive and forget all the wrong they do-because that's what love is all about. Finest example: Your parents. If you can't do that, then you do not love that person. It's as simple as that!"

xoxo

ZOuBanana

"We Might as Well Be Strangers"

It's weird how most of the time, the people you think are the closest to you, are actually strangers. This is something that crosses almost everyone's mind, but why not? Why should another person not be a stranger to you? No one really knows themselves thoroughly, so why on earth do you think you should know a person better than the world just because they are close to you. If at one point, even you had issues with your identity, what gives you the right to believe you can be the judge of another person's life and thoughts?

The people who are "constant" are most of the time boring; if you are not boring, you are growing everyday, you are learning new things about the world, about you-you are changing everyday. So you are allowed to be a stranger to the world, you are allowed to be a stranger to the people who are close to you, because you are growing out of who you are every day, every hour, every minute.

Everyone around you is a stranger; you think you know a person by heart, and then you are hurt because that person acts or talks in a way you never knew they could. Don't feel betrayed; everyone is entitled to change; everyone can begin anew; everyone can become a stranger to you. People do not change; they grow out of who they were; they go through stuff; they learn; they see things in a new light. It's just the way it works.

xoxo

ZOu

P.S. Happy September :)

P.P.S. 99th post of 2014

Circumstances Vs People

Circumstances do not always change people. Most of the time people change people. People can change you-not who you are-no-no one can do that and you should never allow anyone [no matter how much they tell you they are changing you for the best] change who you truly are.  People can change the way you react, the way you behave and the way you should express yourself. Especially people who are close to you-people who are so close to you that they tend to walk all over you. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing[not for you atleast], it's a good thing-because when people "rain over your parade"-it gives you the chance to realise where you stand and who you should allow into your most private and intimate thoughts, ideas and dreams. When these types of people happen to you-you realise you can be a better person, you can be someone who stands on their own, you can never be told what to do, what to believe in and what to search for. 
These people happen for a reason-to help you understand the world better, to help you realise that [I found that on insta-great stuff] "they wanna see you do good, but never better than them. Remember that." So, if there is someone dictating your life-take a step back and look at your life-being controlled by someone else and realise that this is YOUR LIFE, YOUR DREAMS, YOUR GOALS-not theirs. And only you deserve to walk that path, only you deserve to lead the way-because no one gets you better than you do :)

Circumstances do not change people.

People change people.

Happy people makes you happy. Be around happy people. Be around merry people. And be around people who love you-unconditionally because they don't have any other choice than loving you-aka family, the right kind of family, the kind of family who brings out the best in you, the kind of family who points out the bad in you, the kind of family who have your back even when you turn your back on them, the kind of family who will never ever ever give up on you because you are theirs.

It's a wonderful time of the year btw [na, not Christmas yet], the perfect weather and the perfect life!

Banana =]

Don't lose yourself into someone else!

there she goes, there she goes again...

I just started watching Gilmore Girls, ahh, very late to the party but i made it and it is kind of awesome.

you know how sometimes people find themselves again in the darkness they got lost in the first place? [yeah a bit of a Lucas Scott line here, I know]

well, it's a beautiful thing-finding yourself in the darkness you thought was never going to end, finding a purpose to your life, and not quite wasting your time around anymore-that's the kind of epiphany we all need. it might take years to happen, but it eventually does, and when it does, you realise countless things and how true people are really to you.

I have said it before, and I guess I should say it again-everyone related to you-no matter how close they are to you-everyone is selfish-and no one is completely and truly yours except yourself. So, never ever ever ever get so involved into someone else's life that you forget you have one too-a life. Because there will be moments-moments where you are lost and alone-those moments will be tempting to get involved into someone else's life-and you will give it your everything because you know nothing is working for you-it could be someone you fall in love with, someone you just met, an old friend, a new friend, a family member- you will lose yourself into that person's life and it won't make yours any better. Stay away from moments like these? Maybe yes and maybe no-because only when you've been through those moments that you are going to find yourself again and you are going to regret those moments-because you had already found yourself-only you were investing yourself into someone else-and that, my friend, is the worst thing ever! [This is probably not making sense-it sounded so much better in my head!]

The point is-never ever let yourself be so invested in someone else's life-simply because it ain't yours.

Selfish people live longer.

Be selfish-especially when you lose yourself. And don't let any one tell you what is right or wrong-because what could be wrong for someone could completely be right for you. Make your own decisions, don't hire somebody for that; keep believing in what you want, keep being how you are-no matter how horrible some people might think you are-this is you-and you look pretty good to me [and a lot of people!][this was a tad  cheesy but you got the point!]

Happy August. Please note that I am over my bitter-sweet love-hate story with August.

Love,

ZOu

RainyNights

It's raining again.  Happy Birthday Harry btw :3
Rainy nights are just reminders that the stupidest thing we do in life is, falling in love with the wrong people, the wrong dreams,  the wrong realities.  They are reminders of how we sometimes believe and live in a reality that does not make sense; a reality that demands to be checked and modified because life is so much better than this.
Life is so much better than some of the things we believe in, some people we blindly trust and some dreams we have worked for-in vain.
Rainy nights are reminders that nothing lasts forever,  and those who do-well, familiarity does breed contempt, doesn't it?
Rainy nights are there because it's important you question your life and the people you allow in it.

Let's just say rainy nights keep us grounded- too much flying ain't good for health :)

Life is a roller coaster,  ain't it? We just have to choose to close our eyes when it's going down because no matter how long the fall is, it has to go up.  And no matter how scary it gets, the thrill is just as awesome.

Happy Eid :)
xoxo
Banana

Change

Samjhawan is on replay.

Sometimes, there are moments in your life- no one else can share. It doesn't matter what you are going through-happiness, victory, loneliness, loss-whatever the emotion is-there are times in life you just feel it is important you go through those particular moments by yourself. Probably because you know once this moment has gone, you will be a different person.

There are times in our lives we believe that going through pain or a big change will alter who we are, but there are times when we can change without any reason- maybe we realise something, or we just feel like it. And those are the moments you can never share with any one else, no matter how close they are to you- you know they won't understand crap and they'll probably not be of any help.

Those moments are the ones we learnt about in class [hello geeky me], being alone without being lonely- finding your way without having anyone holding out a helping hand, being happy without any reasons, crying because you can and you know you need to do it once in a while. Probably, sheer moments of enlightment, where you don't need anyone else, where you don't want anyone else-because you are finally content with your life and you feel complete without the rest of the world by your side.

On a completely different note, Brazil needs to improve-FOOTBALL AND ENTERTAINMENT-wise. Not that I was a fan. Such a shame Robben and the Oranje couldn't make it to the final, but yeah, #ComeonGermany!

Banana x

The Plan

"The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do, they'll also be the things that happen to you. Now, I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change forever. You see, the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought but it's also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place at the right time." -HIMYM

Happy July!

Honestly, I don't have time to write anymore- I am way too busy not eating and writing my dissertation.

I watched this HIMYM episode again today, and this quote just had to be here,because as it's suggested, the universe definitely has a plan- one that might not match yours and one that might be so much better. I remember at one point telling myself that the plan i had in head failed and i did everything wrong-all my choices were failures, and now, a year later, I am glad the plan did not go as I planned it, I am glad the Universe's plan worked, because I am in a better place and much happier than i could ever imagine. If my plan was successful, I would probably be completely lost by now. So, yeah, if you feel your plan is not working, don't worry, God's is working and it will bring you better stuff! Believe in it and let it happen!

Happy Ramadan,

xoxo

Banana

Home :]

London

I freaking love London,

It's probably because I am not from here and I come from a place that is so different. People from here think I am crazy because I am so in love with this city. Maybe I am,

All my life I've dreamt of being here, and actually being here made me love the place even more. I love everything about London, the ugly weather, the cold, the crowd, the rush, the trains, the busy places, the shopping [heaven really], the river, the Victorian buildings, the landmarks, the people,

Everything that London has to offer is heaven for me, and all I want to do is spend my life here. There is no where else in the world I would rather be. London is kind of "Home" now, because this where my heart lies,

Also, [this is out of context] but WTF GERRARD. And Suarez needs to die-he's fugly.

I am too stressed to keep writing-football is just stressing!
Happy World Cup!

Idontf*ckingcare-ILoveEnglandandRooney! #ComeonEngland!

Banana xo

Get Sad Night!

It's get sad night.
Because this is actually a thing, YES!

Sad playlists, sad philosophical thoughts, sad faces, well, just everything that makes you sad, because as it's been put so perfectly, "it's good to be sad every now and then!"

It's almost like a virtual slumber party, except it's not a slumber party, it's just two people skype-ing as usual and being sad just because "tragedy is the new cool!"
Also, we should probably get our get psyched mix, because being sad is just tiring!
What's the purpose of pondering on things that make you sad when there is not exactly a lot you can do to change it [in our cases], when you feel the need to have a get sad night, just remember being sad takes too much energy, invest it in something better, i don't know like, planning the cray cray tour or all the cray cray stuff that will happen during that tour, because what happens in Europe, stays in Europe :3

Be happy, be so happy that everything else does not matter,
Be happy because sometimes that's all that really make sense,
Be happy because no one deserves to have their heart broken, except for some bitches here and there :3

I read this somewhere, it goes a bit like this: When you are sad about your life, remember there is someone who's thankful for your existence.
Shit like that!

xoxo
Banana!

Denial Dissertation

Dear all,

The solution to writing a good research paper is never found in binge-watching-himym! Never! But, that's a good start, you can always do your best when the deadline is near. Don't worry, every one procrastinate-even Harry [Not hermione, no she never does that, but let's face it no one is an insufferable know it all :)], so go ahead, have fun waking up late and binge watching tv shows you already watched, you never watched or you just want to watch because when you have to pen down a dissertation, everything else seems more interesting, hell yeah! Losing weight suddenly becomes your top priority, playing matchmaker becomes so much more interesting, being heartbroken by celebrities become much more intense, because fuck writing your dissertation, that's why!

Also, writing a dissertation when you are pms-ing is not a good idea, instead of writing about figurative languages, you might end up literally killing people, so yeah, chill! Don't worry about the dissertation, you have plenty of times and you are going to make it in time.

See you more later,

Banana

Who Knew Chaos Was So Important!

Happy June!

I haven't been posting for a long time, probably because I got fixed. Apparently, when an artist or a writer is not feeling the pain anymore, they can not deliver in a poetic and artistic way anymore. I guess it's true, when there is no pain, you have nothing much to write about or to tell about. And when there is no happiness either, you can't brag much. What is it then, that exits beyond these two, what feeling is it? I don't know much about it, but peace seems to be the right answer. When there is no chaos in your life, be it a grieving one or a happy one, there is nothing to convey. the lack of chaos in your life will bring you peace, but a pale one. A peace that gives you inner calmness but does not exactly makes you bounce out of joy.

Peace makes you more relaxed, but it does not make you smile any more. But then again, happiness is a mood, so you are probably in the wrong mood, you just need to get into a chaotic happiness and everything will fall into place again!

Since, my chaotic side has been put to sleep, I sincerely do not have much to write about, so I'll just post a page from my diary:

"Rain and Tum Ho [Rockstar] is quite a lethal combination, /Been ages since I wrote down on paper and it feels amazing, /Do you think when you finally let everything burning inside of you go, there is a feeling of extreme loneliness tha starts crawling in again?/ A feeling that is just as bad as a heartbreak but also just as good as realising being lonely is not always a bad thing?/ When we finally give ourselves the permission to feel again, does it bring back all the pain?/ Or does it just feel numb and cold?/ Or have you not felt in so long that you don't know how it works anymore?/ Because feeling is just too hard at some points, and you just give up on it? Or do you just take a step back?

Well, I have no idea,/ When you put it into words it sounds easy, but when you have to live it, it's just a whole different universe./ I don't know how people really feel when they say 'I let it go, it feels so much better now,'/ The only 'it feels so much better now' moment for me is when I am lying somewhere I love with my favourite songs on, and my favourite food next to me and I am enjoying the cool breeze.."

It just ends here, I guess peace makes things so messed up you can't even finish a proper post. Anyways, have an amazing June, looking forward to re connecting with my chaotic self,

xoxo

Banana

The Fixer (:

The fixer.

We all have that friend, who is a fixer and who wants to fix everything and everyone. In my case, they are all the fixer, every one wants to fix me, which is great and which makes me feel loved but you can't always fix a person, you can help them, you can do it over and over again but you can not fix them, this is something they have to do on their own. They have to fix themselves, they have to work on it themselves. And in my case, I gave up on myself a long time ago, I just thought there is no way I will ever be fixed. Then, my fixer came along and started trying these new ideas on me everyday, which sometimes work, and most of the time when it is not, it makes my fixer very very very angry. Well, here is what I have to say to all fixers, you are amazing, you are doing the best job ever, but you can't always fix it, you have to just let the person deal with it at one point. You have done so much, and i know you said you won't stop trying, but don't worry about me. I will fix myself when I am ready, it might take years but I will. I have done it before, it was not as bad as it is now, but I did it and I will do it. Trust me? Alright, shut up fixer, I know you don't trust me, I mean oome on, you hacked my account. But I love you and I feel like I am so much trouble to you, so trust me, I will fix myself. I WILL, and I CAN.

Also, here's a tip: CLOSURE is essential in life. Not all the time, but it is essential. According to a fixer, closure gives you inner peace and help you attain self actualisation, it makes you feel better about yourself, it makes you feel a class above, and it also gives you the opportunity to quote Rachel, "And that my friend, is what they call CLOSURE."

If you are fixer, you must be one hell of a person [OMG, pls one of a hell of a, quote of the year], and if you are the person being fixed then dude, let's meet we need to open up a support group, this thing is getting out of hand!

Seriously, it is amazing to have someone out there who is willing to give everything to fix you, someone who wishes they could get inside your mind and remove certain things just so you become a better person, just so you become a happy person, just so you become bitter-less.

Also,May is almost over, would you believe it, happy nearly-june :) Song of the day : My fixer's favourite which is still stuck in my head, Kya hua tera wada.

And, that's about it,

Ice-Cream everybody!

xo

ZOuBanana!

There is always a reason!

There is so much to life, and there is so much we are still unaware of,

The reasons behind somebody's silent, the reason behind somebody's submission, the reason behind somebody's tolerance.

We assume we know things, we think we can analyse things and conclude the story behind an action, but we can't. We do not hold that power and we can not choose to think we know someone when we haven't lived their life. It does not matter how much you know about a person, sometimes it's just not enough to understand that person, sometimes it is necessary to be in that person's shoes to understand what they went through.

Similarly, there is no one who can understand you better than yourself. You've been through it, the good and the bad and whatever you do, however you handle things, they are your choices, and you made them for a reason because you can and you have to. No one can decide for you or suggest to change your decisions. You made them because you believe in them and if these decisions fail you, well, that's your problem.

And, this post is the result of analysing somebody over Skype for the past 1 and 1/2 hour. We shall not judge and just expect that behind every decision somebody who cares about us take, is a solid reason!

GoodNightWorld!

Happy May!

The sun is so rare here, it makes me feel like home.

I need to start writing my dissertation and all i can think about is the philosophy of life, the questions that haunt us,

Happy Monday by the way,

I have no idea why people hate Mondays, I guess I stopped having Sunday Night Blues when I fell in love with school and started hating my parents [Adolescence],

And, as the days went by,  I just started hating staying at home not doing anything, so for me Sunday Night Blues would be if I have to stay at home the next day doing nothing.

Maybe I will start loving this again, once I have to go to a job that is going to crush my soul, but this won't happen really,

Sunday Night Blues, I guess, are for people who hate their jobs, people who had no dreams, people who just had to find a job and had to wake up every day to go do a job that they hate, or students who hate school because it is painful and they are bullied and what not. All this just make me want to have tea; it's too depressing. But then again, if they are not bullied, how am I going to get a job? TEA.

43 days left on the countdown.

When you want something, you get it?
I'll say when you are wishing for the right things, you are definitely going to have it!

Well, this was a random post,

Happy May by the way,

Banana x

I Refuse To Give Up.

I have this crazy idea. It is quite crazy and surreal, but I have this idea that one day, I will meet this person who will understand me like no one else and who will love me for who I am and not in spite of who I am. I have this idea that my life will be grand, and it will be like I have always dreamt it would be. I can not figure out when I started believing in this dream or when I came up with it, but it is here and laugh if you want, but I know it will happen one day.

The people around me feel I need a reality check, and I need to wake up from this fairy tale life. The people around me want me to believe in this boring routine-type of life that they intend to have. Well, I pity them. It is not given to every one to have wild dreams and to believe in them. It is not given to everyone to believe that one day even their most surreal dreams will come true.

Ask the dead poets, the romantic novelists, the dreamers; they will all agree that in this boring and typical life we lead, there is nothing more beautiful than having colourful dreams and having wishes that you can believe in, even in the darkest of hours. Why should we settle for a mediocre life when we can dream majestic?

There is no doubt that at one point, in your life, you will feel the boredom and the routine, but the dreams you nurture deep down are going to give you hope and make you extraordinary in this very ordinary life. No, not expectations, dreams. No, not dreams, hopes. Hopes that there will be something better after this, hopes that the things you wish for will be heard somehow by the unseen and will be fulfilled when you least expect it, hopes that you will make a difference and someone else will love you for it.

Gus said, "the world is not a wish granting factory," but it is, the world is a wish granting factory, did he not live his infinite love story with Hazel Grace? Did he not let her love for him hurt her and vice versa? Did he not say he liked the choices he made?

I believe for people who are healthy and have a roof over their head and are not in any kind of pain, that the world is indeed a wish granting factory, because they have the power to make their dreams come true and most importantly, they have the power to still hope because death is not impending.

So, laugh if you want, but I choose to believe in my dreams and in infinite hopes of those dreams coming true and I like my choices. I like that if I get hurt it would be for the right reasons, for the reasons I chose. Because as he put it so poetically, "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who [or what] hurts you. I like my choices."

x